Saturday, October 1, 2005

Archives- October 2005

Monday Morning

This year my Treo has decided to don a costume- he's dressed as an armored
guard in an aluminium suit. This evening he wants to go Trick or
Treatinging for screen protectors, but I'm not too sure about that.

This weekend was all about cleaning our home. It was very necessary. I saw
an advertisement on TV for the Dirtdevil BroomVac and am very tempted to
get one. Any feedback? I tried the swiffer (wet and dry) but you still end
up with that line of dirt that needs to be picked up.

For anyone who doesn't already know this, you should be aware that all your
drivers license information is available for viewing on the web. Simply
click here: to get yours removed from the
public database.

This morning's commute is just as slow as molasses and I don't know why.
The train has actually been stationary more than it has moved!
October 28

Todays Subway Peeve

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Itty-Bitty Flasher

Today I got flashed...or at least that's what I think happened. And he
wasn't in a trenchcoat either. He must do this all the time, because he had
a strategic hole in his pants and was wearing a coat. I got into the subway
car and he kept fidgeting around trying to get my attention. I finally
looked over and followed his eyes to his lap where he had a tiny red thing
sticking out. I heard somewhere that flashers just like to make people
react, so I did the most natural thing I coul think of. I squinted really
hard to emphasize how difficult it was to see it since it was so small.
I mean, if you're going to be a flasher I think its only polite to make
sure that you have something worth flashing.
So my peeve today is not that I was flashed, but that the flasher may have had balls of steel but his weiner was the size of a pin.
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October 27


Overheard in NY
Wednesday One-liners Prefer Metro

AMNewYork guy: AMNewYork ! Get your same shit, different fucking day
newspaper! AMNewYork ! Same shit! Different fucking day!
--96th & Lexington
Overheard by: Owen JG

If you don't already get your daily fix from you should. No matter how dumb I might ever feel there is always someone in NY who has been overheard saying something ten times dumber!

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Last night I caught up on my Tivo shows... Nip/Tuck and Footballers Wives.
I found Footballers Wives on a marathon one weekend on BBC America and have
been completely addicted ever since. Footballer's Wives is extremely funny and is best described as a soap opera where they don't take themselves as seriously.
BBC America very often has these
really great Miniseries that they run. I, for one, love a miniseries
because by virtue of its name you are guaranteed that it will be over in a
couple of episodes.
Some of the ones I've caught are:

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A gay man falls in love with a woman causing all kinds of mayhem from both camps.

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The 7 days leading up to his wedding bring one man
every conceivable catastrophe including losing his ring and accidentally
making out with his future mother-in-law.

Well, believe it or not but so far this mornings commute has been pretty
low in irritations. Is this the end of my Subway Peeves?

October 26

Halloween Looms Already

Wow, is it just me or was that the quickest Summer ever? Its about 40
degrees here today and I can't believe I've almost missed Fall- its gone
from being a season to one weekend where the temperature just plummets from
the seventies directly to the upper thirties. Anyway, I am no Sam Champion
so let me leave the weather alone...

On the news this morning I heard that sex offenders are not allowed to open
the door and/or give candy to Trick or Treat'ers. Now who is that really
hurting? I say make them still have to buy candy but just put it on their
door step. I mean I can only imagine the stress the poor kids have to go
through as they are forced to try and figure out whether the house needs to
be teepee'd or its just a child molester inside who is obligated by law not
to give treat!

Here's a funny but true story from my past...
My first Halloween in the States found me at home alone-my roommate went
out. The doorbell rang and when I opened the door there were kids in
costumes holding up bags of candy. Well, we don't have Halloween where I'm
from so I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Then they said what I
thought was "Take a treat!" So I reached into the bag and helped myself to
one of their Tootsie rolls, thanked them and closed my door.
Wow, I thought to myself, they sure are generous and friendly in these
parts. So the rest of the evening each time the doorbell rang I'd help
myself to a piece of candy. By the time my roommate got back I'd
accumulated quite the pile.
Well she saw the pile and asked me where I got the candy from. Even though
this was about ten years ago, any time we bump into each other we still
laugh hysterically remembering that night and all the poor children who
must have been so confused by the lady who literally took candy from them!

October 25

Desperate Housewives Gets Sassy! (At least Felicity Huffman Does)

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Let me start by saying that I like Eva Longoria as much as the next person, but I was getting pretty sick of her being the only 'hottie' on the show. Yeah, there's Nicolette Sheridan, but her character is just such an overtly sexual predator that it almost a shock when she doesn't sleep with a man.

So imagine my glee when I tuned in this week and was treated to Lynette cutting loose in a Coyote Ugly type routine! I like Felicity Huffman, because she is not the typical sell-out type 'beauty'. She's just off-beat enough that you completely overlook her as a sexual being and then, as evidenced last Sunday, she comes at you like a kick in the a good way.

TVGasm has an excellent summary of the entire episode, and I love their conclusion;

    And as we go over the final Mary Alice narration, we stop at the Young's House, and inside we see Paul, Mary Alice's husband who is on the run for murdering Zach's real mom, is home opening his mail. Because the lure of unopened mail will drive any fugitive to come back home. It's the F.B.I.'s most potent weapon against them.

Today's Subway Peeve

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The Conductor Announcements
There are times when it would be nice to hear a word from the train
conductor. But on the subway it always seems to be;

Good announcement at a bad time

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have some traffic ahead of us and we will be moving momentarily."
Really? If there's traffic ahead of us why are all the other trains zipping by us? And exactly how long is momentarily?

Bad announcement at a bad time

"Ladies and gentlemen bfjeiek brjrekke kslowja shuwsma (gibberish). Thank you for your patience."

Or the completely irrelevant announcement at any time
 " not display
cell phones and other electronic devices."

Well then explain how I'm supposed to blog about the announcement you just made?

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Early for Halloween!

All the money in the world, and this is what she picks:

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Victoria Beckham should be smacked on pure principal for thinking she could get this by us. And if this becomes the new trend with matching Uggs, then I will just have to lay down and die!
October 24

Quit Smoking

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73 days, 22 hours, 57 minutes and 44 seconds smoke free.

1479 cigarettes not smoked.
$555.00 and 11 days, 7 hours of my life saved.

This weekend was a rough non-smoking time. I rode to the mall with my niece and she smokes in her car. Although her car smelled awful, I missed the sweet taste of Capri Menthols! But I didn't smoke so I am really pleased with myself- I rewarded myself with a bottle of 'Poeme'; a lovely perfume which I can only truly enjoy now since I no longer reek of cigarettes.

Today's Subway Peeve

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                              The Door-Blocker
There must be some secret contest that certain people engage in which has something to do with the delay you can cause by not allowing people to quickly exit at their stop.
There are, in fact, 2 types of door-blockers; the internal and external.
Working in tandem, these 2 classes are able to make leaving the train an
exercise in near futility. The internal DB's will begin to position
themselves from a few stops before, some even as soon as they board the
train. The car may have several seats available, but the DBs are not
distracted from their goal. They drape themselves by the door, deliberately
giving the impression that their intention is to get off at the next stop.
Once you arrive at your stop you begin to understand the collaborative
genius involved in this orchestration. The external DBs at the station have
already positioned themselves at the next stop so that each internal DB has a corresponding external one in each doorway.
Once the car doors open, it then becomes apparent that the internal DB has no intention of either leaving the train or moving out of your way. So you dodge, bob and weave your way off the train only to be thrust into the arms of the external DBs who then prevent you from swiftly exiting the train. You are then forced to engage in a dance-shuffle with the individual(s) on the platform in order to clear the closing door.
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October 23

Quick News for Palm OS

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On my Yahoo home page, there is an option to add plugin modules. My page  includes 'Best Week Ever' headlines as well as USA Today news. I enjoy this feature as it enables me to see the headlines, then, when I have time to dedicate to it, click on the links to read the full story.
Of course, it was not long before I wanted to find a way to get a similar functionality on my Treo. After experimenting with several RSS readers, I decided on Quick News.

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Quick News gives you the ability to get the gist when you want it, then read the full story when you have a moment to get it. This is crucial for me, as part of my commute is spent underground, where I cannot get a wireless signal for an internet connection.  QuickNews offers several features, such as SD card storage for your downloaded feeds, podcast support and customizable display.

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Of all the features, the one I find most invaluable is the automated updates. As you can see in the picture below, I have mine configured to perform an auto-update every morning at 5am. Once this is done, I don't need to do anything further, other than to read the feeds at my earliest convenience.

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I use Quick News in conjunction with iSilo to make sure that I get all the news that I need. In the event that I see an article in QuickNews that I am interested in learning more about, I create a memo or task,  and when I get to my PC, I will convert the page in iSilo to get the full story.
You can use Quick News for all kinds of information, besides just RSS;
-Stock prices with your personalized portfolio
-Currency conversion
-Airline/Airport delays
And just about any brief data you might need to view!

Sin City

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Finally got a chance to watch Sin City last night... what a wild ride that movie was. I thought it was a really original concept as far as movies go, it had a surreal comic book/movie feeling to it.
The storyline was much easier to follow than Pulp Fiction, but still made use of that intertwining time line and story boards. The movie is broken into 4 main characters' narratives, each of which uses details and explanations from the other's stories. And while no one character is expressly a 'Super Hero', most of the characters seem to be slightly other-worldly.  And look for Elijah Wood playing the creepiest role ever!
October 21

The Palm TX

Palm has got a new handheld- the Palm TX. Not my cup of tea, but its a pretty interesting looking unit if you dont need an all-in-one device. Its got WiFi and bluetooth, and a sharp looking screen. Check out the Palm website for more info.
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A Slice of Julian Pie

                                                     Mmm, Delicious!
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Ladies, this one goes out to you. Here's a scrumptious picture of the delectable Julian McMahon, from Nip/Tuck. If you don't watch Nip/Tuck, I challenge you to watch just one episode this season and tell me that it doesn't completely blow your mind.
Julian plays bad boy plastic surgeon Christian Troy. Christian's exploits this season alone include having a 3-way relationship with an ex-porn star and her lesbian (bi) lover, inviting a colleague to share their bed, operating on an ape, separating 3 frat pranksters superglued at the 'cheecks'...whew, and that's just in about a month.
He plays the role of Christian with such sexiness and self-assuredness that it often makes you completely forget how improbable some of the scenarios are!


October 20

When Good Staff Go Bad

Unfortunately, I must confess I have had several times when I have had to
let an employee go. Its never pleasant, believe me. Images of their family
as I've seen them in pictures flash before my eyes and I almost always cry
in bed that night. But I am always baffled when people miss all the warning
signs as the spiral down the road to termination-how do people not see it
coming and dodge the bullet?

I've been fired once myself- I was 18 or so and I had a part time job at a
gym. I was working the evening shift and I was meant to sit at the desk
until 11p. Well, after 8 or so the place was a ghosttown and it was the
longest 3 hours in history just sitting there. One night a couple of
members invited me to go to the movies with them. It was after 8 and the
temptation was too great. So I closed up, went to the movies, then came
back after to lock up. Well, as fate would have it that was the day that
the security cameras had been installed and I was promptly let go the next
day after the tape was reviewed. I think I was more sheepish, than
anything, about having been caught.

But when you have a job that pays your bills and sustains you and your
family, how can anyone possibly be laid back about it? Even if you believe
that you are in high demand, until you get the official offer with a start
date in writing you cannot be certain of your next check.
And the whole business of burning bridges totally baffles me. Sometimes an
employee resigns in a burst of indignance and profanity, only to later
attempt to 'George Costanza' themselves back into their old job.

"What quit? You thought I was serious-I was kidding!"

I guess at the end of the day, I can't be more worried about staff keeping
their job than they are.

Memories of Dating

Before I met my husband I dated what seems to me to be an inordinate amount
of weirdos. There was always that one redeeming quality in the middle of
all the crap that would convince me to date the guy.

My favorite wacko was and always be 'C'. One Thanksgiving I was going to
Boston when the baggage handler at the Greyhound engaged me in a
conversation. He was pretty cute, so we chatted briefly and then he gave me
his number (ladies- NEVER give out your number. Apart from the security
issue, you also get stuck waiting for him to call you. Take his number;
call him when you're good and ready!). A few days later I called him up and
we chatted a few more times after that. In conversation I learned that he
was actually in school and the G.H. gig was just to support himself. I felt
pleasantly impressed by that and eventually we started meeting up in the
city to go out and eventually started dating casually.
Unfortunately 'C' had more drama than a Shakespearian plot and eventually
the truth all unfolded. Before I even get to his secrets, I'll tell you
what used to get on my nerves with him-begging. A man may or may not have
money but as long as he is able to live off what he makes, then that's
always been fine by me. But C would constantly try and find ways to ask me
to buy him things. Case in point, on a particularly chilly day I asked him
where his gloves were. His reply-
"Buy me a pair."
I was just so disgusted by his antics. All I ever heard after a while was
"Buy me a platinum chain"
"Buy my a pair of sunglasses"
And it got so bad that after a while I actually started to wonder if I
wasn't a bit stingy because I had never gotten him a single thing on his
'wishlist'. But after finding out that he actually had a serious girlfriend
who was about to have his third abortion I felt like I was Einstein.
You see, C was no ordinary shiester. C was not actually in any school- not
in the literal sense of the word. He was taking an education in how to make
the world your own personal oyster. He was dating tons of women, some days
as many as 6 or 7 and was trying to convince each one to buy him clothes,
furnish his room (in his parents' home), get him a car, send him on
vacation, and, most despicable of all, pay for his girlfriend's abortions.
Over the years I've met a number of women who met, and sometimes dated, C.
I haven't seen or spoken to him ever since I uncovered his true life but
even until this day whenever I hear a woman say

"I met this really cute guy at the Greyhound..."

it always makes me chuckle a bit and shake my head. And I always want to
remind her to bring her wallet.

Today's Subway Peeve:

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'The Squeeze-In-er'So here I am sitting in seat 1 of 3. The next person sits in the 3rd seat.
The train then moves.
Almost without fail, the moment we arrive at the next stop a person of
larger build will suss out seat #2. And here's where I get confused. Grab
your calculators to help me figure this one out:

If seat #2 appears to have 40 inches available and your bottom-as of last
measurement-is 55 inches wide, how many inches prevent that seat from being
a viable option for you?
The SI'er is either:
A. Poor at math, or
B. Lacks depth perception, or
C. Has the disease which is the opposite of anorexia where they see
themselves as much narrower than they truly are, or
D. All of the above

Whichever option applies here, this still ends up being the most
uncomfortable ride ever.

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October 19


To the casual onlooker, this may seem like a picture of a couple hanging
out together but look closer. This guy's 'sweetheart' is actually a product
of the real doll line ( am really glad that for the mere sum of $6000 anyone can have the woman of their dreams. But what I'd like to see is the 'RealDude' that will do what women dream of;

~Fix the garage door
~Change my car's oil and tires
~Hold my purse while I go into the changing room.

That's the stuff I'd need in my doll. How about you?


Every so often my sister-in-law sends me some joke or cartoon... I usually don't like to be on such lists, but these were pretty funny!
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My Subway Peeves

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Riding the NYC subway every day is a real project. Every morning you have to contend with all types of people:
-The non-showerers
-The non-brushers
-The Nosy-parkers (and one of them is actually reading this over my shoulder as I write it)
Now, understand that I am not a snob. (Not a lot!) It just irks me that some folks think that because we're underground, some basic tenets of human civility do not need to be followed. This is a huge misconception! It is precisely for that reason that we should attempt to bring some brightness into the dull.
Every day some subway rider finds a new way to tick me off...
So, I've decided to add this as a regular feature here. Each time I am subjected to an annoying quirk you will be hearing about it.
Today's peeve-

The 'Crotch-Rocker'
This is the guy that stands over you to hold the bar and then rocks his crotch back and forth right in front of your face. Almost as if he believes that he can hypnotize you with his package.
October 18

Fear of Dogs

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I may as well come clean- I have a terrible fear of dogs. And not just a
regular fear, but the kind that freezes me in a spot with my eyes wide like
saucers. I often wonder what must go through a dog's mind when they see me in this pose.

"Crazy broad-I'm scared of her now!"

My pet peeve (no pun intended) is dog owners who refuse to put a leash on  their dog. I don't care how tiny the poodle is-if I don't see that flash of rope I am so out of there.
This Sunday we took a walk though the reservation (park) near our old home. As we prepared to leave, a family was headed in our direction complete with their unleashed dog. My husband, fully aware of my canine phobia, called out to them and requested that they leash the dog. (Mind you, the leash was right in the father's hand!) Their reply was:

"Oh, its okay, he won't hurt you."

You know what? I hate that. I didn't ask what the temperament of the animal is- leash your dog! They finally put the leash on after my husband insisted but it made me wonder about stupidity in general.
In the car on the way home we rehashed it and came up with the extreme
scenario of us walking 'our pet Tiger' without a leash. We imagined we came across the same family again and this time they made the request of us.
Dean reckoned his reply would be:

"Oh, as long as you don't smell like beef you should be okay. And try not
to prance like a gazelle- he shouldn't attack you."

Almost wants to make me go out and get a Tiger so people can see how dumb such statements are...

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